This one line changed how I handle every cross-functional conflict.
Two teams were blaming each other for a year. Each had evidence. Each sent emails. Nothing changed.
Here's the exact playbook I used to fix it in 2 weeks:
Step 1: Become the coach for the system, not your team.
This is the mindset shift that makes everything else work.
You're not here to help your team win. You're here to make the system work. That means helping both teams force action from each other - including helping the other team hold your own team accountable.
Why this can't be skipped: If you only push the other team, you're seen as biased. If you protect your own team from accountability, you lose trust. Without being visibly fair to both sides, you can't facilitate. You'll just be another player in the blame game.
Options:
Coach the other team on how to respond to your team's email so they can pin down commitments
Hold your team to the same deadlines and standards you hold theirs
Call out your own team's gaps in the room before the other team has to
Step 2: Acknowledge it's broken - publicly.
Don't dance around it. Make the problem visible to everyone.
Why this can't be skipped: As long as the problem is unofficial, people can keep defending. Once you say "this is broken" publicly, defending stops and diagnosing starts. You've created shared reality.
Options:
Send an email to both teams: "We have a broken system. No one designed this handoff."
Call a joint meeting and say it in the room
Put it in a shared doc both teams can see
Step 3: Come with a plan - then invite better ones.
Don't say "let's figure this out together" and wait. Come with the best plan you can think of. Be specific: what will be done, who owns it, how it solves the problem.
Then time-box the alternatives: "If you have a better solution, send it by Friday with specifics. If I don't hear alternatives by then, we execute as written."
Why this can't be skipped: Without a concrete plan, people default to "let me think about it" - and thinking becomes delay. A plan on the table forces a response. They either improve it or commit to it. No drift.
Options:
Write it in an email with clear action items
Present it in a meeting and ask for written counter-proposals within 48 hours
Create a shared doc with the proposed solution and a deadline for comments
Step 4: Make them invest before they design.
Send both teams to observe the actual work together. Document every case. No coaching, no prompting - just watching.
Why this can't be skipped: When people invest effort into diagnosis, they can't walk away saying "not my problem." The psychology is simple: "I put in this effort, now I need to see it through to the end." Sunk cost creates commitment.
Options:
Joint observation of the actual work for multiple days
Both teams interview the people doing the work together
Joint audit with shared documentation
Step 5: Ask "where" not "who".
Don't ask "who dropped the ball?" Ask "where in the process does this break?"
Map the value chain from start to finish. Walk through each handoff.
Why this can't be skipped: "Who" triggers defense. "Where" triggers diagnosis. You'll usually find multiple failure points, and no single team owns all of them. This is what breaks the blame cycle - both teams realize they were partially right and partially blind.
Options:
Map the value chain end-to-end and identify every handoff
Walk through specific cases: "What happened here? And here?"
List failure points without attaching team names
Step 6: Run a working session, not a review meeting.
Pull up the actual system. Walk through real scenarios. When someone says "that's already fixed" - make them prove it on screen.
Ask "what would you suggest?" not "here's what you'll do."
Why this can't be skipped: Abstract discussion lets people hide behind theory. Live systems expose reality. And when people design their own solution, they own it - they can't later say "we should have done it differently."
Options:
Screen-share the live system and trace a real case together
Ask each team to demonstrate their process step by step
When someone claims something works, say "show me"
Step 7: Name owners and time-box everything.
Every action item gets a name and a date. Say it out loud in the room.
Schedule the next check-in before you leave: "We reconvene Thursday at 2pm. Bring status."
Why this can't be skipped: Without names, everyone assumes someone else will do it. Without dates, "soon" becomes "never." Without the next meeting scheduled, urgency evaporates the moment people leave the room. Time pressure is what converts intention to action.
Options:
Assign owners verbally in the meeting so everyone hears.
Shared doc with names, dates, and status visible to both teams.
Daily or every-other-day stand-ups until resolved.
Step 8: Stay in the room.
Don't delegate the fix and disappear. Be present in every key interaction. Not solving - but facilitating, steering, holding the frame.
Why this can't be skipped: Your presence is the forcing function. When people see you're there and driving, they stay engaged. If you vanish, the urgency vanishes. The problem slides back to low priority.
Options:
Attend every check-in yourself
Be on every cross-team call until it's resolved
Review every status update and respond visibly
Step 9: Build recurring visibility.
Set up regular check-ins. Monthly reports. Follow-up meetings.
Why this can't be skipped: One-time fixes don't stick. Without ongoing visibility, the problem creeps back. Week one enthusiasm means nothing without month three consistency. Systems need sustained attention to hold.
Options:
Monthly reports on the key metrics
Periodic audits to verify the fix is holding
Dashboards both teams can see
Problem that persisted for a year. Fixed in 2 weeks.
The room went from "whose fault is this" to "how do we fix this together."
Blame gets you compliance. This gets you commitment.
~Discovering Turiya @work @life
